Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling was created by researcher Bill Doherty, Ph.D., of the University of Minnesota, who saw a need for something therapists could offer to help couples whose marriages were so deep into crisis that marriage counseling involving marriage repair and reconciliation was not an option. Why? In the typical scenario, one spouse is leaning way out of the marriage and not wanting closeness or reconciliation; while the other desperately wants to save the marriage, and marriage counseling needs two motivated partners. We call these couples “mixed agenda couples.
Discernment therapy is specifically for couples that are:
• Ambivalent about their relationship
• Are on the brink of change, or divorcce.
It is short-term, brief therapy (5-6 sessions) for couples not ready to work on their relationship through couple therapy AND also, not ready to end their relationship.
Discernment Counseling creates a holding environment for the couple to develop clarity and confidence in deciding on the next step for their relationship, whether it is divorce or a shared commitment to couples therapy to repair the relationship” (Doherty & Harris, 2017).
Discernment Counseling is:
Designed for married couples, or partners who once made a lifelong commitment to each other
For couples currently experiencing “mixed agendas”
For couples neither ready to improve or end their relationship
Meant to be facilitated by experienced couple therapists
During Discernment Counseling, therapists DO NOT:
Assign homework
Teach skills
Work on enhancing the partners’ connection
Allow a partner to “break the news” to another partner (i.e., let them know for the first time that they are ending the relationship)
Path One: Status Quo
The relationship staying
as it is.
Path Two:
Divorce, or ending the relationship.
Path Three:
A 6-month commitment to Couples Therapy: Choosing to work on the relationship, during which divorce is “off the table.
THREE POSSIBLE PATHS
How the Sessions are structured:
• Consult. Each partner schedules a 15-min Zoom session with Malia.
If both parties agree to Discernment Therapy, we will proceed to Step 2.
• ONE Two-hour session (120 min)
Cost: $350
• 5 - Subsequent sessions (50 min)
Malia meets with the couple together and separately.
• Last session: Couple decides which path the couple will take.
***One, Two or Three. If Path Three is chosen by the couple, the couple will begin Couples/Sex Therapy either with Malia, or a Couples/Sex Therapist of their choice.
Cost: $175/50 min session
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TOTAL FOR DISCERNMENT COUNSELING: $1,225
Interventions used:
Interventions in Discernment Counseling involve Malia asking specific questions, in order to gather and understand information about the couple’s relationship and to allow the partners to reflect.
These questions assess the each partner’s narrative of the relationship, the couple’s interactional cycle, their fond memories or “best of times” stories.
In addition, each partner is regularly invited to consider what their role has been in the “demise” of the relationship.
